02 December 2008

Memo to My Students

Memo to My Students

  1. If the syllabus says, in all-cap, bold, underlined letters that there will be no makeup tests, and if I said in class at least 3 times, beginning on the very first day, that there will be no make-up tests, you cannot take the final early so that you can go on vacation in Mexico.

  2. Remember that 20 page term paper? The one I've been nagging you to work on all semester? The one that's due today? If you emailed me questions at 11:34 last night about how to cite things or how long the second section is supposed to be, I didn't answer you.

  3. It's December. Even in California, it's December. Flip-flops with parkas or, alternately, uggs with shorts look stupid.

  4. I'm sorry your transmission died/you got pulled over by the cops/you had to drive your brother to the airport/you got called in to work/you had training to attend for work. No make-up tests. See Item 1.

  5. The paper is due today. If you'd tried printing it out at some point earlier than 5 minutes before class, it wouldn't have been such a tragedy when the printer broke/you ran out of printer credits/the computer ate your file.
  6. I advise over 80 students every semester. When you come to see me for advising, if you can't remember what classes you've taken/are taking this semester, don't expect me to know.
  7. I don't live in my office or on my computer. If you call on Saturday morning or email at 2am, don't expect an immediate response.
  8. I'm happy to write you a letter of recommendation. Please ask me more than 2 days before it's due.
  9. I know it's waaaay too much to ask that you actually proof-read and edit your own papers. But for goodness sake, please at least run a grammar and spell check.
  10. Grammar and spell check will not catch all your errors. For example, statues are rarely violated or unconstitutional, except in term papers.


jmkizer said...

You are too funny! You made me smile.

Crowzma said...

When was the last time I told you I love you? I do ... what a riot.

Mim said...

This is just so funny. I needed to have something to laugh with/about/at on this dark, rainy, windy night. Oh tears rolling down face thank you so much!

Connordog said...

Hysterical!!!! Thanks for the laugh!

KnittingBlueContent said...

Living at the beach in California, I see #3s all the dang time - mostly Uggs and shorts. Ugh.

Don't you want to nominate them for What Not To Wear?

Your list is hilarious, but I'm guessing it's pretty much accurate for your day-to-day work life, LOL.

KarmasKreations said...

Geez sis, you're such a meany! (-; Makes me a little sad I'm not there in the hallways anymore to overhear fellow students' conversations about ya! Thanks for reminding me why I never enjoyed being a graduate teacher's assistant!

dephal said...

I'm glad you all enjoyed this. :-) Sadly, there isn't an item on the list that doesn't come directly from recent experience. Finals start soon and I'm sure I'll have even more to add then!

Knatolee said...

HAHAHAHAHAH! That was CLASSIC!!! I have to share it with Gordon.

Agnes Riedmann said...

You're too fun! Thank you for this. As a colleague of yours, I can not only attest to the truth in all of this but also appreciate your great sense of humor.